What Does Help Look Like? – Part Two
“Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” This is a television commercial line made famous a number of years ago. The laughs and comedic interest it created lingered well beyond the impact of most television commercials. Check it out and see for yourself. Here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQlpDiXPZHQ
Sexual addicts want help. They have a deep sense to how often and how far they have fallen and are deeply frustrated by their numerous failures to get up when they fall. To get a laugh, I have heard people joke that if they were able to choose an addiction, who would not choose a sex addiction. Ha, ha! Sexual addicts do not find that humorous! The unwanted sexual behaviors and consequences are inescapable, tormenting and overwhelmingly consuming. They want to scream out for help. But most do not. Why?
In all corners of our culture, we minimize the suffering to which those having sexual compulsive problems suffer. We use dismissive humor. “Boys will be boys.” “Girls just want to have fun.” We use disparaging terms like perverts, deviants, moral reprobates and sinners to describe these individuals. This only serves to encourage the negative stigma they are already experiencing, increases the debilitating shame, and limits their view of avenues to help for them. The hard truth is that we make it hard for them to seek help. So they too often continue living in misery and increased isolation as their addiction compounds its strength in the prison of secrecy.
Recently Andrew Goldman published his interview with Billy Joel. Did you know that Billy Joel has not produced any new music for twenty years? I am a fan and didn’t know that. Well this blog is not about my appreciation for Billy Joel’s music. Nor is it about Billy Joel and sexual addiction, because I have absolutely no information to suggest he is. In fact I do not think he is. It is an earlier point I made that Goldman’s article about Billy Joel proves. In the interview, Mr. Goldman asked about Billy Joel’s personal life since Joel was writing a book about his life. Apparently the publisher wanted the salacious quality improved [Billy Joel said “no” by-the-way – good for him!]. Mr. Goldman pointed out that the publisher said we need “…more sex.” That is the difference! Sexual addicts want LESS SEX! They hate the compulsions that ruin their life.
I am amazed at the courage most sexual addicts have to walk into my office the first time. The risk feels so high, but the risk of continuing to live this way is higher! Help begins with the assurance that the journey ahead is designed with confidentiality as the center that anchors it to every step. My practice is committed to protecting and honoring the idea that clients own all the information regarding their life, and it is their choice as to the type and the amount of information they wish to share with me, or anyone else. It is the client’s story, and I consider it a sacred privilege and responsibility to care for it with the highest level of integrity, compassion, and sincerity. Without this level of commitment to protecting their story, help cannot take place.
What is your story? Is it a story that needs a new direction? Is it ready to embrace the great risk that you fear? Are you ready to find that great courage to make the phone call for help? Your story will be treated with great care so that it can begin the journey of healing and freedom. Help begins with making that first phone call or that first email asking for information. I encourage you to reach for a new way ahead. There is hope. And there is help. Connect with me today.