The most common question: is this going to get better?

So somehow, you learned about your partner’s sexual addiction. Maybe a friend told you, maybe you found evidence on the computer, or maybe your spouse admitted it to you. However you found out, you’re going to be going through a lot of emotions. A lot of different thoughts will be going through your head in the first weeks and months after the discovery, and as you begin therapy. One question may be most prevalent: is this going to get better?

Your situation may be unique, but this is a very common thought for people in the same position. It’s OK to wonder what will be best for you and to have doubts about your marriage or relationship. Feelings of betrayal after times of infidelity are normal. You may wonder if your relationship will be normal again.

During this time, many partners focus on broken trust. The issues you may choose to focus on could include:

  • Promises made (or broken) by the addict
  • The sexual behavior they engaged in
  • Their whereabouts or use of time
  • Their attitude or feelings toward you
  • If they are trustworthy

As you begin working through these feelings with a therapist, remember that it will take time to rebuild trust in these areas. Only after the addict proves their trustworthiness time and time again will you begin to see a change in behavior. This will not be an overnight fix. Through months and years of the recovering sexual addict following through and doing what they say they will make it possible to trust your relationship again.

In the meantime, it is normal to feel doubtful or suspicious about your relationship, especially in the early stages of recovery. Working with a certified counselor or therapist is one of the best ways to acknowledge and manage these fears.