Common Sexual Addiction Problems
There are thousands of people in Spokane and Coeur d’Alene suffering from sex addiction and porn addiction. Though many go through months and even years of denial, there is no escaping the hurt and destruction it will cause in the lives of the addicts and the ones closest to them. There is no “managing” these addictions – only prolonging the inevitable. The only way to stop the pain is to first want to get sober, then to seek the help. We have helped countless people get better and stay sober, here in the Coeur d’Alene area as well as in Spokane. If you feel you just might have a problem with any form of sexual addiction, please contact us and let us help you.
Common problem behaviors are outlined as categories below. Sexual addicts’ problems typically are not with just one category, but commonly cross into multiple categories.
These behavior patterns involve excessive viewing or using pornography with or without masturbation. Compulsive and excessive masturbation also fits within this category and may or may not include the use of pornography. These behaviors tend to use significant amounts of isolated time to dream and imagine using or viewing pornography and/or masturbating. The trigger for these behaviors tends to be underlying anxieties that bring on strong emotions overwhelming the person’s ability to cope with real life, so they seek fantasy as a solution.
Cell phones, Internet chat programs, compact discs, cloud computing, and social media such as Facebook and Twitter are common examples of cyber technologies designed for communication. Cybersex is a misuse of these communication forms to facilitate sex using cyber technologies, and they are motivated by the access opportunities that appear virtually instant and anonymous. The exploitive potential is limitless. It involves anonymous partners and depends on high levels of concealment commitment, which is unsustainable. Cybersex has been referred to as the “crack cocaine” of sexual compulsions, and those involved in cybersex are developing issues that are critically creating long-term negative consequences that are unique, and, as such, are best served by trained and certified professionals.
Paying for Sex
Purchasing sex from prostitutes with money and exchanging sexual acts with exotic dancers in strip clubs or shows with money are common examples of this category. Important to note is the exchange process, which most typically is with money. However, sex can also be obtained by using drugs, various favors, or other arrangements as the exchange source. The type of exchange has potentially important treatment implications. For instance, paying for sex with money may suggest a compulsive money problem. Such a person may overspend, under spend, or chaotically spend their money across many domains where money is spent. Another often seen problem is compulsive drug use and using drugs to pay for sex. The important point is that the exchange medium itself is also a potential addiction or problematic compulsion and, thus, needs to be addressed therapeutically. So the relationship these exchanges present may have many important treatment suggestions and should be assessed well by a certified sexual addiction therapist.
Serial sexual relationships with anonymous or non-committed partners is a category which includes a range of behaviors such as swinging, having sex in groups, finding sexual partners in public places, having sex in public places, or sexually exposing oneself in public. For many in this category, arousal is associated with the intrigue around planning these behaviors. Though not exclusively, this person is using anonymous sexual behaviors as the solution to very strong emotions within him or her. Strong emotions result from many different life experiences, and sometimes it is unresolved trauma.
Making Home Pornography
Overwhelming drives to recreate sexual preoccupations are typical reasons for making home pornography, which requires an immense amount of planning time. In fact, the time and energy required for this behavior is staggering and unfortunately diverts the needed time and energy to resource living life normally. The intent for producing home pornography is for later personal sexual use only.
Love and Intimacy Disorder
This is a pattern of behavior that uses obsession and compulsion to focus on a relationship. Outwardly, this has the appearance of a desire for intimacy and love, yet it is not that. It is a pursuit of a “falling-in-love” high. The process uses sex in a combination with romance, money, power, talent, social position, politics, or other perceived advantages to engage this falling-in-love process. It is this process to which they become dependent or addicted. They mistakenly view it as a solution to life problems or life dreams regarding intimacy needs, and they may be unaware of using it. It can include or take on other problematic behaviors such as stalking and other various intrusive behaviors. Though not always, those with this problem use it [often unknowingly] as the solution to underlying very strong emotions, which sometimes are the result of unresolved trauma, neglect, or abuse.
Pain and Sex
Pain and sex involves a broad set of behaviors where arousal is related to sexual thoughts and behaviors associated with giving or receiving pain with no intent to harm. Typically these behaviors involve viewing Internet pornography websites that feature bondage scenarios and where sex objects are a major focus. Those with this problem may have underlying very strong bouts of emotions, and these are sometimes the result of unresolved trauma, abuse, or neglect in their backgrounds.