Addicted to Love in Spokane and Coeur d’Alene
I am addicted to love and the only way I know to deeply love someone is to have an immense amount of sex with her, and if she is unobtainable in any way, I become intensely lovesick. After sharing this, my client said that he falls in love, gets into [romantic] relationships, and breaks up easier than others and finds this depressing. Any attractive woman that shows him any level of attention creates zealous and careless attempts to begin dating them – even if he is already in a relationship.
Love addicts say they fall in love; however it is actually infatuation. They actually are unable to care deeply about the well-being of their partners in the way love actually does. Their personal lives are often overwhelmed by cycles of disappointment and endless approval and affection needs. What they want is not possible. Personal limitations are not something they see, believe in, or accept. They often are in negative moods and experience disturbances such as sleep, work, and family problems. To avoid or limit these problems, they seek the next relationship hoping it to be extraordinary and permanent. They are not. Soon love addicts find their romantic relationships dissolved into boredom and stagnation, and the cycle begins again.
Love addiction is a disease of the brain driven not by love but by infatuation. Rather than producing love chemicals (oxytocin, vasopressin), love addicts’ brains produce phenethylamine. The brain responds to this chemical in much the same way as it would to cocaine. Infatuated love addicts have boundless energy, elation, and a remarkable sense of well-being as they seek their next relationship or hold onto the one they have. Soon, however, the euphoria dwindles. Quite evenings of cuddling and gazing are no longer enough and outside-of-the-relationship partner seeking restarts.
Is love a problem for you or someone you know? Consider the following statements. How many of these statements are true for you or someone you know?
- Your friends or family suggest your romantic relationships are bad, but you do not agree.
- You often find the need to have intense conversations about problems with your lover in unsuitable situations.
- You break up and then seek to make up often – more than what other couples do.
- In regards to your lover, you feel unable to control your feelings and/or behavior.
- You periodically suspect that your relationship is on a downward spiral.
- You feel some form of distress when your lover is not physically with you.
If two or more of these statements ring true, there might be a problem. There is help. Call today. 208–755–7114
For more information on the chemistry of addiction, read “Craving for Ecstasy & Natural Highs: A positive approach to mood alteration” by Harvey Milkman & Stanley Sunderwirth; Sage Publishing, 2010.